The Art of Listening

,

(Found on kushandwizdom.tumblr.com) via Pinterest


I saw this quote on Pinterest some time ago and it really resonated with me.  It occurred to me that listening, truly listening to someone, is really an art form.  One that many of us try to practice but few ever master.  As someone who has been constantly interrupted throughout my life, having someone really listen to me is amazing.  By listen I mean they just listen to what I have to say, whether I am explaining something, venting, or just relaying information.  There is no attempt to jump in with their opinion, no need to offer their experience, no changing the subject to something they would rather talk about.  To be truly, unselfishly listened to is a joy.

This does not mean that someone has to be the victim of a greedy talker.  A greedy talker is someone that just wants an audience-it doesn't matter who.  They can just get so absorbed they go on and on about themselves, their problems, their accomplishments.  Greedy talkers don't care if you are busy, if you don't feel like talking, or if maybe it's not appropriate for you to be hearing what they have to say.  At one time or another, many of us have been guilty of being greedy talkers, just so we can unburden ourselves of gossip, secrets, or because we feel we have things that we want to talk about but no one special to tell them to.  The seatmate on the airplane that goes on and on about their family, the person in front of you in line that complains about the store and the employees, the relative, friend, or neighbor that calls you on the phone to tell you all about everyone else's problems and their own.  These are greedy talkers.

People who half listen are just as bad.  These are people that agree to listen to you but constantly look at their phone, absently say "mmhmm" to everything you are saying, or quite obviously tune out. This could be because you are an actual greedy talker and not aware of it ;)  But it could also be because these people make a half assed attempt to care and just fall short.  This is just as maddening as being interrupted constantly.

We all want to be heard; we all want people to listen to us, at least occasionally.  Conversation should be 50/50.  Someone that asks you, "How are you?" or " What did you do today?" or something of that nature and just sits and listens as you reply without feeling the need to add anything, compare anything, or challenge anything, is truly a blessing.  I hope I have been that for some people-at least I aspire to be that.  And I have had some people do that for me and I am thankful.

That Day

That Day starts out as Someday....a day far in the future that you know will come, but you don't know when.  A day that stays tucked in the back of your mind, that you don't want to think about...to worry about.

When That Day comes, it arrives like any other day....ordinary, mundane.  You live your life, more or less, like you do any other day.  

But when That Day comes, it is anything but ordinary.  It is the Day when things you took for granted suddenly become special.  It is the Day when the future hazes over a little and the past comes sharply into focus.  It's a Day when you start making wishes-"I wish I had called more often....", "I wish I could tell him....", "I wish he could have seen...."

On That Day, you remember the hurtful times a little less and the happy times a little more.  On That Day, you realize you won't hear the same stories over and over; you won't hear the same complaints again and again; you won't get the teasing, the criticism, the opinions, the subjective facts.  Neither will you get the laughter, the gratitude, the occasional words of praise, the love.

On That Day you realize you are a little more of an adult, and a little less a child.  You suddenly have responsibilities you never dreamed of or wanted.  Nothing prepares you for That Day-it doesn't matter if there was sickness, infirmity, old age.  Even if you were expecting it, knew it was coming, you are never really ready for it.  It always seemed far off, a little down the road.  

You never expected That Day to be Today.


Goodbye for now, Dad-I love you. 

Little Victories

Working with the earth can be so soothing.  Pulling weeds, clearing away the groundcover that has accumulated over the late fall, winter, and early spring, revealing a bare canvas waiting to be filled with color.

I have a whole bunch of areas filled with weeds.  When I look at them all, at all the work I have to do, I get overwhelmed and feel defeated.  Today I concentrated on one little area, the corner of my backyard.  Up came the dandelions and all other manner of unwanted greenery.  I turned over the earth, disturbing a host of little creatures that scurried out of my way.  That corner received rain this afternoon and was ready for the snapdragons I planted there.

There are many other areas of my yard that need the same attention and work.  Instead of focusing on all I need to do, bemoaning the lack of time and energy, I choose to focus on this one corner, this little victory.  If I can do this in all areas of my life, I will be a much happier human being.

What if.....

what if....

we didn't rush?

what if.....

we didn't fuss?

what if...

you remembered you have a voice?

what if.....

you remembered you have a choice?

what if....

you greeted people with a smile?

what if....

instead of talking, you listened for a while?

The sun would shine a little brighter.
Your load would be a little lighter.
Your heart would beat a little stronger.
Fear and doubt would haunt you no longer.

Just think...

What if?

Reboot

I started this blog last year.  I didn't have any expectations...just wanted to see what it was like.  I started off with a lot of steam, but, well....like a lot of other things I started off full steam, this kinda fizzled.

It's a new year and like most people, I am starting anew on a lot of things.  One of those things is this blog.  Last year was a year of mostly observations.  This year I hope will be more about actions.  I would like to do things, go places, and blog about those experiences.  I'm sure I will also blog about observations (I have a few rough drafts of those rumbling about in my head already!).  

The two adjectives I have in mind for 2014 are fearless and active.  Fear is the basis of most negative behavior.  I have spent a good portion of my life afraid of one thing or another. Fear may have protected me in some instances, but it has also held me back.  It has kept me from being active, from trying new things, from failing and making mistakes and learning from those failures and mistakes.  I want to try more things and go more places; I can't know if I like or don't like something or am good at something if I don't try.

I didn't make any real resolutions for 2014, but this is a good start :) Happy New Year!