Words are powerful things. A kind word has the power to make someone's day; a thoughtless remark can break someone's heart. Communication is a driving force in our society. We are blessed in this country with freedom of speech-and we take full advantage of it in every form available to us. You just have to look at a few of our idioms to see how much importance we put into words: "Talk is cheap"; "think before you speak"; "The pen is mightier than the sword"; "Say what you mean, mean what you say".
Sometimes though, we talk for the sake of talking. We want to get our opinions out there, we want to matter, to be part of the conversation, to be heard. I have a battle within myself-sometimes I am quite content with silence or being silent; other times, I can't shut myself up, whether it be through speaking or typing. It's in those times that I lose discernment-I am more interested in getting facts or my opinions out there than whether they are necessary. Or needed. Or wanted.
This past weekend, I got in a conversation on Twitter with someone. I was making a point and I said something that *I* thought was just teasing. Instead, the effect of my words made the other person defensive. And I regret that. It wasn't my intention to make her feel bad, but I didn't stop to consider the weight of my words. It's a problem many of us have.
I read some wonderful advice in the May/June 2013 issue of Spirituality & Health regarding this subject. Rabbi Rami Shapiro was asked by a reader how she and her friends could live more spiritually. To start, he suggested by guarding your tongue. He said before you speak, ask yourself three questions: Is what I am about to say true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If something is true and kind, with no negative consequences, says Rabbi Shapiro, then say it. However if it is true and unkind, he recommends asking yourself the third question. If what you have to say is harsh, choose your words carefully and the manner in which you say them. By following these simple guidelines, you elevate the quality of your words and your conversations.
Those three questions are simple but very effective. It is true that no one can offend you if you don't take offense to what they say. Sometimes we give words too much power or become overly sensitive about what others say. But we also have to take ownership of the things we say AND write. Social media is a powerful communication tool, whether it be Facebook, Twitter, IM, texting, etc. What you may think is a harmless comment or just "telling it like it is" can definitely have the wrong effect on someone else. And we have all embellished, right? Not just me? Because I know I have embarrassed myself too many times by just running off at the mouth and not knowing when to quit-until it was too late.
Like our mothers told us, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I know that is very challenging in this day and age. Choosing your words carefully, not rushing to speak, sitting back and listening more-all of these can give quality to our conversations, our relationships, and our lives.
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