Birthday musings

Today is my birthday; I turn 48 today.  So far, I have had a good day: enjoyed some texts, emails, phone calls, and Facebook postings wishing me a happy birthday; went to the library and picked up some new books; got some lovely cupcakes from a local bakery; and even wrote a blog post (I know-two blog posts from me in a day?? What's up with that??)!

So now I sit here, with college football on the tv in the background (go WVU!) and I think about what it means to be 48.  I know I have chronologically been on this earth for 48 years.  I don't "feel" 48, mostly because I don't know what 48 is supposed to feel like.  I certainly don't feel old mentally, although my body is always ready to remind me that I'm not as young as I used to be.

When I was a kid, I was terrified of getting old.  Getting older just seemed like a steady progression towards death.  That scared me so bad that I had panic attacks from age 10 to about age 30.  I can't explain why I was so fearful; I guess I thought my life would fly by and I would feel like I didn't have enough time to live my life and then it would be over.  Death seemed so final; I don't know why I developed such a fear at such a young age, but at times the panic attacks were simply overwhelming.

When I was 29, I lived on the island of Guam.  I just had our second son.  In December of 1997, Super Typhoon Paka hit the island and took down power.  Even though the Navy base we lived on got power back on fairly quickly, we still didn't have cable back and the Internet at the time was a bit primitive (I mean-dial up!).  So believe it or not, when I had free time, I started re-reading the Bible.  While reading through the Old and New Testament, the epistles and the psalms, a feeling of calm came over me.  I realized that I didn't have control over things like death and the passage of time and that was okay; there was nothing to fear from that.  From that point, my panic attacks stopped and very rarely have they resurfaced.  Letting go and having faith that I would be okay no matter what made a huge difference in my life and brought me peace.

When I was 42, I started working at St. Leo Catholic Church, the church my family and I have attended since we moved to West Virginia.  I had volunteered in different ministries, but now I was in the office during the week and in contact with many different people.  Many different and wonderful people who have taught me so much.  Alot of the people I come into contact with every day are at least 20 years older than me.  They have made me look at age differently.  So many of these people live vibrant lives.  They volunteer their time, they travel, they have wonderful outlooks on life, no matter what life may hand them.  They do not buckle when there are challenges in their path; they deal with them and keep on living.  I am so grateful to have examples of human beings living such full lives in front of me every day.

I have grown into myself as I have aged.  I don't care as much about what people think of me.  I don't care as much about making mistakes-they are learning tools.  Every day I am learning to not let fear hold me back from living my life.  I am grateful for all of the experiences that have gotten me to where I am today.  Maybe my life has not turned out quite like I thought it would, but in many ways, that is a good thing.  I have realized it is better not to have expectations-that is the quickest way to get disappointed.  Every day I learn new things, about myself and the world around me and I am committed to keeping an open mind.  Nothing is truly impossible.

So I look forward to the road ahead and hopefully it is a long one.  I intend to keep improving my outlook, expanding my horizons, and learning as much as I can about myself and the world around me.  I will do this one day at a time.  

Happy Birthday to me :)

Book Challenge 2016

A book challenge you say?  But the year is 3/4 over, you say?  Challenge accepted!

So I started with "a biography or memoir" and my selection was "So That Happened" by Jon Cryer.  I have been a fan of Jon Cryer since seeing him play Duckie in Pretty in Pink many moons ago.  I had heard great things about the book on Twitter and decided to add it to my Amazon cart.

It is less of a biography and more of a memoir about his time so far in show business.  Some of it was very interesting and insightful.  Jon has experience as an actor in theater, movies, and TV, as well as a writer, director, and producer.  He does a great job explaining the difference between the various genres and giving you a taste of the ins and outs of show business through his experiences, all with a healthy dose of humor.  You can really sense the respect he has for certain people in the business and his frustration with different aspects.  He touches on different areas of his personal life, but does not delve too deeply.  He does have a chapter on his experience with an old girlfriend and talks about his relationship with Demi Moore when they filmed "No Small Affair" together.  He doesn't really bash anyone, although after his description of working on Pretty In Pink, I get the sense that Molly Ringwald was a stuck up snobby bitch and Andrew McCarthy was a condescending prick (my words, not his).  Even though he brushes off some of their actions and words, I think he was a little hurt at their behavior towards him, both on and off camera.

The one section of the book I had a problem with was when he spoke about Charlie Sheen, specifically when Charlie went off the deep end.  There was just a little too much detail about the whole scenario.  I really didn't need to know the specific text messages Jon and Charlie exchanged.  I know "Two and a Half Men" comprised a large part of Jon Cryer's professional life and Charlie Sheen was a big part of it; I know Charlie Sheen's behavior was all over the media at the time and fodder for TMZ and the tabloids; and I am sure Charlie's behavior really hurt and pissed off Jon.  But I wished that Jon focused a little less on the circus that was Charlie Sheen and stuck more to his show business experiences or talked more about his relationship with his family or being a father.  The last third of the book is mostly about Charlie Sheen and it should ALL be about Jon Cryer.

All in all, I enjoyed the book and if you are a fan of Jon's, give it a read!  I own the book, so if you would like to read it, let me know and I will be happy to send it to you!